Click above to hear "How Do I Live Without You"
July 2nd, 1986
Hartsfield Airport, Atlanta
I watched the people getting off the plane, where was he, had I missed him somehow? I looked and I was so afraid. Then, there he was! I would have known him anywhere. He smiled and I thought GOD HELP ME. He had my smile. My eyes, his Daddy's blonde hair and my fathers build. He was Beautiful.
I couldn't move, I could only stare and he stared back. It was a long pause before either of us moved. We politely said hello, and I felt instantly as if he was not sure. I backed off and let him have his space. We climbed into the car and started towards our home. He was in the back seat with Paul. The two of them were talking like they had never been apart a day. I envied that. He stayed a week and went HOME. He talked a lot about his MOM and Dad. I felt the knife twist in my heart. A thank you note arrived a few days later and then a call. We sent Christmas, and then Birthday gifts. He came back in the summer and we went to Louisiana. I wanted my father to know I was bringing him home.
(My father passed away April 15th 1978 without ever seeing or talking to him again)
We visited with my Mom and Sister's and then took him to Destin, FL for a vacation with his Aunt and cousins. He had fun. He went HOME.
August 26th, 1994
Tucson, Arizona
Alicia gave one more push and there he was Zachary John. Her Mother looked at her and Michael and said "My God where did he get that RED hair!" Mike said, "My real Mom has red hair."
December 27th, 1995
San Diego, California
I step off the plane this time, and there he is, with my Grandson. I cry. I look at them all three, Mike, Alicia, and Zachary and I cry. I stayed a week and I went HOME.
August 20th, 1998
Pikeville, KY
I talked to Mike and Zack tonight. They are fine, Alicia is still in San Diego awaiting her orders for her next assignment. Zack is in Oklahoma with Mike at his duty station, until they can all be together again. I said, "What are you doing for Thanksgiving this year?", and he said, I think we will come to Kentucky, I would like to be HOME for the holidays.
FINAL THOUGHTS
I can't end this story with out telling you that it was not a simple cut and dried process. It has taken Michael and I roughly 24 years to adjust and find a relationship. It has not been easy. We lost so much time together and I missed so much. It is not all about me, it isn't all about him. There are so many people hurt by this kind of madness. You don't just lose each other, you lose a part of your heritage. He has Cousin's that he used to play with every day, and now they are strangers. He has Aunt's and Uncles that he can't recall, although they were there for 3 1/2 years of his life. He has a Brother(his only blood sibling)and they rarely speak. Not out of dislike, but out of missing so much of each other's lives.
He had Grandparents that loved him so dearly, my Father never saw him again, never spoke to him again. Yet my Father died still grieving for his "MAN CHILD". My Mother was fortunate enough to see him once, when he was 16. He had no idea who she was, even though she had rocked, fed, loved and cried over him for the first years of his life. I took him to my Father's grave and I could tell he was uncomfortable, not aware that the man lying in that coffin had grieved himself to death over the loss of his Grandson. There are so many people affected by a parental kidnapping, Family that he will never be close to, and has no idea the pain they suffered along with me. I just want to say, that in the long run I would do it all over again, just to see my son and now my Grandson Zachary. The strange thing is that when my Mother was going into open Heart surgery, she took my hand and said, "You suffered so much over Michael, fight for Zachary, don't live your life without him". Unfortunately my Mother suffered a Stroke a few days after that conversation and subsequently died a few weeks later. She never saw her great-grandson.
Another note before I finish this up. I went through a lot those years, but nothing compared to what Michael went through. He was ripped in one swift moment from all he knew and loved. He was put into a car and driven roughly 1500 miles by people he didn't know. I have tried to block that scene from my mind so many times. How frightened he must have been, how lonely. How he must have wondered what had happened to his Mother, Brother, DADA and NANA. How he must have missed his toys and his puppy, his bed, his little cousin Mark, that he played with every day. How he must have though we had all abandoned him. Those are the tears I never saw, but I wept with him, those are the emotions I never saw, but hurt with him. We are friends now, and that is more than I ever thought I would have. There is still a caution with each other that I don't feel with my younger son. We both still tread lightly around each other, but it gets better, every hug, every call, every "BYE, I LOVE YOU". I don't hate anymore those that did this to Michael, I have no hate left in me. I am just thankful that I know he's there and he knows I am here.
And he's seen the photo albums and the toys left in his room the clothes that I hugged to my heart, and the letters I wrote. He knows and I know that he grew under my heart and no one can take that from either of us.
I love you Michael. My son, my friend, and I am here.
