 Eighteen years ago tonight I met a man that would become my husband and "stepfather" to my son. This story is in defense of "step parents" everywhere. From hence forth to be called SP to shorten this story. My husband had never been married, he was a twenty-nine year old Army Captain, and bachelor. He drove a baby blue Corvette and lived in a large three-bedroom home all alone. He had credit cards that were not maxed out, carpet with no stains; and dishes that were washed immediately upon finishing the meal. His laundry was neatly folded and all in it's place. Then he met me. We dated only a short time, from Feb. 28th 1982 until June 25th 1982; then we were married. We went on a short honeymoon to "Astro World" so Paul could go. Score one for the SP. Upon arriving home Paul and I moved into the big clean house with the Corvette parked in the driveway. So now, here we are. The three of us- an eight year old spoiled, angry, smart aleck little boy, a young man who became a husband and father overnight, and me. The boy was quite upset about losing his mom to the SP. Subtract five for the SP. Jay having been raised by a father who was an Army Officer and a socially correct mother was very persnickety about how things were done in the home. Paul who had been spoiled by my mother, whom we had lived with prior to the marriage, and was used to getting away with murder did not see eye to eye on almost anything. I was used to working two jobs as a single mom and also being the one who dealt out the discipline to Paul. It was to be a recipe for disaster. One night at dinner the about six months into the marriage Paul made the fatal mistake we refer to as the "English Pea" incident. SP had been raised with the "no thank you helping" rule, or in layman's terms "you take a helping even if you don't like it out of respect for the cook." And so here we went, SP saying to Paul, "Paul, eat your peas" and Paul replying, "No, they will make me throw up!" SP, "Paul, eat your peas NOW." Paul, "No, they will make me puke!" And that is how it went for a good ten minutes. I could feel the motherly instinct thinking, "leave my kid alone!" and the wifely instinct thinking, "Oh one spoon of peas won't kill him!" Score twenty-five for Paul. I was torn. Suddenly I could not stand it anymore, I jumped up from the table and with my hands underneath the whole thing was dumped upside down. Down went Paul, peas, mashed potatoes, SP and all. I grabbed my purse and keys and yelled over my shoulder, " I LOVE YOU BOTH, BUT YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY!" I drove to my sister's and we sat and talked for about two hours. I told her that I had to admit defeat and this marriage wasn't going to work. Score Fifty for Paul. I went home and as I drove into the driveway noticed that the lights were dimmed, "Oh God, they have killed each other!" I walked into the living room and there on the sofa sat two freshly scrubbed little faces, in p.j.'s and with sheepish looks on their faces. I walked passed them into the kitchen, much to my surprise everything was clean and picked up. The table was cleared, the peas were cleaned up and the whole kitchen sparkling. I returned to the living room and the SP spoke, "We're sorry, we know that you love us, but in different ways, and we won't argue anymore." To which Paul added, " I love you mom, don't leave us!" We hugged, and kissed each other and promised to really work on making this family a family. And, and, and, and, and- no it was not all roses and moonlight. There were about nine more years of fussing, fighting, arguing, and mistakes made. The SP would lose and gain points faster than the Dow, as would Paul. But, tonight eighteen years later, the SP is still here, only now he is lovingly referred to as "Pop" he is the grandfather to a beautiful little 2-year-old granddaughter. And if I were you I would not call him her SP Grandfather, you would have a fight on your hands. This past Christmas Paul, Theresa, and Kaya were here for Christmas dinner and Paul said, "Hey Pop look," as he popped an English pea into his mouth, he grinned at Jay and took it out of his mouth, "NOT" he said jokingly. Some things never change. Kathalise Martin
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